Joy

I’m currently feeling:
Emotional.

My thoughts creating this feeling :
for some reason in the shower this morning I was recalling an incident that happened at my brothers house in May. My brother and both sisters were born in May and I was born in February. Every May we have a family gathering where we all celebrate the May birthdays. There has never been any attempt to celebrate mine, or even include me in the May event, other than expect me to produce a birthday cake for whoevers birthday is nearest to the gathering. My brothers new wife also has her birthday in May. This year we were all invited to their new home and it was closest to her birthday. I know my sisters had already received gifts from my brother on their respective birthdays because they’d posted plotos on social media. At the gathering though, before we ate lunch, they were both presented with additional gifts. I stood in the corner of the room, invisible. Not even acknowledged or thanked for having made a cake. It was a spectacularly clear insult. One that I did mention. Just because I don’t have a birthday in May. I don’t know why I suddenly thought of that event this morning, or why I allowed it to completely overwhelm my emotions. I cried for ages and got really angry. Tears were properly flowing. I had spoken to one of any Sisters a week ago at Dads birthday gathering about low I’ve never really fitted in, or felt part of this family. Its occasions like the one in May that cement that feeling. I don’t know why my memory should choose that story today, or why I allowed myself to get overwhelmed by the emotion attatched to it

My desired feeling:
Joy.

Thoughts to practice to create my desired feeling:
C’s other daughters are coming to visit today, with his granddaughter. the little one is about 18 with old so will be much more mite everything and entertaining. The good thing is that we have to tidy up, so C has to clear all his foot up. I can actually see the floor. He’s cleared the kitchen table too. Albeit he’s just moved it all to another room for now and it will all come back again once they’ve left. For a day Iwill Cave clear spaces. We’ll go fora walk to the park to let little one play. We can enjoy some silliness for a while. C has cooked enough food for an army and I’m creating a dessert. We should Love a lovely few hours with them.

I’ll show up on purpose in my dress, body language and presentation by:
Jecaus and jumper day. Practical for going for a walk and playing with little person. Basic jewellry so it doesn’t get pulled about. Will got out of my overemotional mood and enjoy their company.

I will show up for myself by:
Being happy and pleased to see everyone and enjoy seeing C spending time with his older children, one of whan he has only seen once this year.

I will show up for my extraordinary goal by:
Being welcoming, charming the room. Entertaining and happy.

I will upgrade my surroundings by:
Tidying away things to make room for 4 extras. Even if it is only temporary.

Today I am:
WSG. Wicked step-granny!

Today I am grateful for:
C getting to see his other children. It doesn’t happen very often and one of them never makes the effort, even when she’s visiting her mother, who doesn’t live that far away.