Ataraxy

I’m currently feeling:
Acedia.

My thoughts creating this feeling:
An apathy of body or spirit. In my case today its both. I didn’t want to get out of bed. My eyes were heavy, I was warm and cosy and getting up would mean having to deal with the day. C wants to do some more rope replacement at the Cathedral which means me having to sit around for ages whilst he does that. Then this afternoon we have a ringing meeting at which I am hoping I can step down from being Deputy District Master, but have a feeling I’ll end up having to do it one more year, but at least I can give final notice I won’t do it again after that. There is also the possibility of C’s exwife being there and parading around, finding ways to be near him and have secret chats with him. I’m sure all of it will be fine but at the moment I really feel a sense of anhedonia aboutthe day ahead.

My desired feeling:
Ataraxy.

Thoughts to practice to create my desired feeling:
A calmness untroubled by mental distress. I know my feelings are only created by the thoughts in my head, and I am capable of managing the thoughts in my head. There will be plenty of other people about later to distract me and there’ll be ringing and the meeting to contend with. I know the day will problably not be as bad as I imagine.

I’ll show up on purpose in my dress, body language and presentation by:
Warm and cosy today for lots of hanging around in drafty churches. Jeans and thickish jumper in the style of nordic winter. Basic jewellry so it doesn’t get in the way whilst ringing. Practical yet stylish. I will be lively when the time comes and supportive of the other district officers to the best of my ability.

I will show up for myself by:
Cutting out all the extra sweets and treats. Over the last few days I Leave had a lot of chocolate and biscuits trying to get rid of Christmas gifts. I probably overdid it yesterday as I ate almost half a box of chocolates and half a packet of shortbread biscuits. I wonder sometimes if I’ll end up with Type 2 diabetes. And I want to get rid of all the excess sweet stuff and get back be a more balanced diet.

I will show up for my extraordinary goal by:
Not immediately allowing my name to be proposed as District Deputy Master. Holding oft, allowing any other nominations to be put forward, although we know in reality that is unlikely to happen. I wiil not make it straight forward and if re-elected will instantly say it’ll be my last time so they will have to find someone else next year.

I will upgrade my surroundings by:
I know I’ve said it several times lately but my flowers really do need replacing. I’ve Led these twigs etc since well before Christmas and although they’re still ok, its time for a change. The twisted willow has even started sprouting. The flower stall hasn’t been there over christmas so I’ve not been able to get new sheff. Fingers crossed they’re there today.

Today I am:
Psyching myself up to be motivated.

Today I am grateful for:
My sister lent me a book at Christmas but has said I could keep it if I wanted to. It’s a dictionary of old English words, or unusual words not necessarily in common parlance that describe various emotions. As I’m being allowed to keep it, I have started putting sticky index labels on the words that either resonate with me, or I find interesting and want to use. You will notice two of them above!