Desired

I’m currently feeling:
Ordinary.

My thoughts creating this feeling:
I neither feel great nor bad. I feel Ok. Normal. Nothing special. Nothing exciting. And it’s Ok. You don’t have to have high or extreme emotions all the time, that would be exhausting. I expect most of us, most of the time just feel Ok, or fine or whatever. There is nothing extra special about my day ahead that would necessarily trigger an extreme emotion. I suppose other than the possibility of C’s ex wife being at ringing this evening, but even that, at the moment is not bothering me.

My desired feeling:
Desired.

My thoughts creating this feeling:
One thing I’ve noticed sneaking in again is the lack of physical contact C and I have of late. I don’tjust mean sex but any kind of contact. Over the weekend we barely acknowledged each other in that respect. On a work day I get a perfunctory kiss goodbye in the morning, and another one at night when we got to sleep. At the weekend I don’t even get the morning kiss. I may get are at sometime during the day but mostly not. Last night before going out we were sat dn the sofa and I stretched out an arm. He did the same but didn’t actually hold my hand. I did comment on it which resulted in him removing his arm completely. The evening wasn’t a total Loss though. In the pub after ringing he did stroke my leg several times. I did wonder whether that might lead to more when we got home, but no.

I’ll show up on purpose in my dress, body language and presentation by:
Carmel coloured poloneck jumper with peacock green silk skirt and brown knee high boots. Gibraltar bracelet, long gold necklace and long dangly earrings. Mostly meetings today so need to be on the ball to move therigs on.

I will show up for myself by:
Being organised, prepared and involved. I have many ringing related emails that need my attention and need to start clearvig the backlog to get actions on the more. I need he schedule them in to make sure nothing important gets forgotten about.

I will show up for my extraordinary goal by:
Reminding myself I don’t have long to go to have got rid of some of my extra roles which will free up a lot of energy, not necessarily time, so I can pursue other things. I have booked a day off in a couple of weeks time to spend the day with R.

I will upgrade my surroundings by:
Buying something healthy for a snack later in the day. I’m quite ito M&S apple pieces with peanut butter dip at the moment.

Today I am:
Feeling more feminine than of late. Hormones again?

Today I am grateful for:
Variation. In my outfit, mood, activities, friendships and like in general. I get to experience many things every day some people can only hope or dream for.