Energised

I’m currently feeling:
Wondering.

My thoughts creating this feeling:
Is this what retired life with C will be like? I’ve had a few days off work, using up some annual leave. That means we’ve been around each other pretty much all day, every day. It’s been useful for me to be able to catch up on a whole bunch of stuff, emails, reports, meetings, action logs.etc. And its afforded me some time to relax, exercise, read, nap and so on. One day he went out by himself to do the food shopping then went into town for other bits. The next day I went into town by myself for some fresh air and the odd bits and pieces. What has been noticeable is the total lack of affection, acknowledgement, or anything that would suggest we are husband and wife, rather than housemates. I’ve noticed when I don’t go to work, I don’t get a kiss in the morning. There has been no affection shown throughout the daytime. The only thing close is a peck goodnight then he turns his back on me. We’ve not even cuddled in bed before getting up in the mornings. We never mindlessly talk, let alone share thoughts or feelings. It’s all very perfunctory, the weather, the shopping list, what time we need to be where.

I think life will be a bit different when I retire because I will make my own activities. I might join the gym if I get the opportunity to get to one. We could plan days out as and when we want to. we could visit R on her days off more often if she wanted us to. I think we’d bumble along, but fairly independent of each other.

It’s our 26th wedding anniversary this week and I suspect it will pass with barely an acknowledgement. Partly because we’ve got a third attempt at one of the quarter peals again that evening.

My desired feeling:
Energised.

My thoughts creating this feeling:
My thighs are feeling a little better today but it’s still quite painful going up and down stairs. I’m going to attempt the next Joe Wicks workout this morning and do what I can of it.

I need to do my food prep for the week ahead. Deliberately left until today as I had lots on yesterday and it would be much fresher being done today.

A few emails to deal with and yesterdays meeting to write up and send out. I need to go into town again later to get something for C for our wedding anniversary, although God only knows what.

I‘ll show up on purpose in my dress, body language and presentation by:
Jeans and lilac bamboo top. Practical, breathable and comfortable. Gibraltar bracelet, birthstones necklace and garnet stud earrings. Errands to run and ringing teaching later.

I will show up for myself by:
Getting on with. Doing as much of a workout as I can without causing more pain.

I will upgrade my surroundings by:
Preparing my gift to my mum for Mothering Sunday. I’ll need to deliver it as some point this week. I’ll find some pretty wrapping paper and bag.

I will show up for my extra ordinary goal by:
completing todays tasks. There are several of them but all small and fairly quick to complete.

Today I am:
Preparing.

Today I am grateful for:
Having had a few days off to be able to catch up on things, clear the backlog and start with a clean slate.