Curious

I’m currently feeling:
Curious.

My thoughts creating this feeling:
Had a dream last night that we were on a ringing outing and C’s exwife was also there. At one tower someone said there was an interesting feature in the fireplace. C’s ex went to investigate and fond it moved and behind it was a long corridor. She wanted to investigate the corridor. C said he’d go with her. When i looked into the void behind the fireplace they were figuring out how to hold hands when she said they’d better wait because people were watching. They both turned to look and me, forcibly held hands then walked on down the corridor. Then I woke up!

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I feel when we’re around C’s ex because it’s happened a lot recently, but also trying to fathom what goes through his head. He never says anything and When I pluck up the courage to ask, he fobs it off, or dismisses it. I really don’t know what he thinks and feels when she’s around, particularly when we’re both there. Which are would he save from a burning building?

My extraordinary goal for the year is…
Being financially savvy. I used to know all about my finances, life insurance, pensions, etc but over the years not really needed to bother to be worried about them. My EG is to help towards early and comfortable retirement in 3-4 years. I need to get on top of my spending, investments and plans.

What result will I produce this month?
My plan this month is to not purchase any new clothes or accessories. I don’t need any more, and have nowhere to put them anyway. I spend nearly half my take home on clothes.

My tasks for the day is…
Stop thinking about last nights dream. Do not let her interfere with my holiday and our time together. Enjoy our trip out today and relax into plenty of walking.

What thoughts are holding me back?
She’s there, all the time, in the background, lurking, finding ways to be near. He never says anything, but talks easily with her and barely talks to me. I have always felt second best and inferior.

What thought will I practice instead?
He is married to me. Has been longer than he ever was with her. If he was to have an affair I would screw him over for as much as I could and make life difficult. She does not have to impact my day and thoughts.

What can I remove, elevate, upgrade or add to my style to embody my future self?
Cropped jeans, white boob tube with a white crotched top over it. Pearl necklace, diamond earrings and Gibraltar bracelet. White emphasising the colour I got yesterday.

What can I remove, elevate, upgrade or add to align with my future self’s environment?
Visiting more castles and gardens today, with a coastal walk so walking boots required. Hopefully another sunny day with plenty to see.

What am I excited to practice and improve?
Practice not letting intrusive thoughts ruin my day. Practice being fun and light, a pleasure to be around. Practice calm,  interest, and vitality.

My progress and my blessings
We managed to hold conversations well yesterday. I didn’t feel too many periods of silence that would become akward. I fitted in a JWW when we got back to our room.

What do I declare myself to be today?
Adventurous.

What questions can I ask of myself today?
How can I make today fun? How can I lighten things and have an enjoyable day.

What words of encouragement, insight, wisdom or humour does my future self have for me today?
Today is a new day with new possibilities. There will be things to see and do , long walks to go on and lots of fresh air.