Waiting

I’m currently feeling
Waiting.

My thoughts creating this feeling:
There’s a conversation C and I need to have in the next hour that we haven’t discussed, despite knowing this would come up for several weeks. Before lockdown, services at the Cathedral were at 9.30 and 11.15am. We rang from 10.30 to 11.15 and C and I used to attend the 9.30 service. He, because he wanted to, me because it was a means to an end. I never took part in the communion or reciting the words. Not my thing, but appreciated it was important to him. Anyway, the service times changed to just one combined service at 10.30, So we would ring from 9.45 to 10.30 then come home. He didn’t stay to the service after ringing. As of today, the service times revert to their pre- pandemic times, so ringing is back to 10.30-11.15. We’ve not spoken about returning to attending the 9.30 service. I don’t want to. I’m fed up of sitting through services where I see so much hypocracy and nonesense. I am perfectly happy If he wants to go, and I’ll see him in the tower in time for ringing. So, that’s the elephant in the room. How cross will he be if I don’t go to church with him?

My extraordinary goal for the year is…
To be financially savvy again. Planning for early retirement by getting back on track with understanding my savings, investments and pensions.

What result will I produce this month?
A wedding gift to buy in the next couple of weeks and anything I start to see to go towards Christmas, but no one off spending for me cunless it’s essential. No clothes or accessories.

My tasks for the day is…
Ringing, ironing, food prep, admin, more ringing.

What thoughts are holding me back?
I don’t want C to be cross I don’t want to go to church with him. Its his thing, not mine, and I respect that.

What thought will I practice instead?
Stay strong and stick to your guns. Stop doing things you really don’t want to do just to please someone else.

What can I remove, elevate, upgrade or add to my style to embody my future self?
Black skinny jeans and bright cerise tshirt. Gibraltar bracelet, One & Eight Tbar recklace and earrings. Bit more ringing today, service ringing this morning and quarter peal this afternoon. So, practical, comfortable for that and other chores.

What can I remove, elevate, upgrade or add to align with my future self’s environment?
Maybe able to fit in a JWW this afternoon before the quarter peal attempt.

What am I excited to practice and improve?
Kindness, grace and sticking to my own wants.

My progress and my blessings
I have in mind what I want to say, and do to stick to my guns this morning. I don’t have to conform to what he wants to do.

What do I declare myself to be today?
Strong.

What questions can I ask of myself today?
How can I deal with this sensitively so as not to make C cross about it and get him to accept it as the new way forward?

What words of encouragement, insight, wisdom or humour does my future self have for me today?
I am strong. I can stand on my own two feet. So what if he gets cross, that’s his problem. I’ve sat through 20+ years of church services for him. Time to make a stand.