Bewildered

I’m currently feeling
Bewildered.

My thoughts creating this feeling:
Actually, yesterday was a good day, except it didn’t do my diet any good, but we’ll gloss over that. The meetings went ok, unfortunately we didn’t score the peal attempt but did salvage a quarter peal out of it, so not completely wasted. We stayed with most of the ringers for dinner in a local pub, then also sat with them at the quiz night, and actually had a laugh and came second. Then for some reason, by the time we got home and went to bed, C had got a cob on. I don’t know what about but he came to bed grumpy, gave me a perfunctory kiss goodnight then turned over. This morning he’s still distant. No morning cuddle before getting out of bed. Not even the usual use of his arm to help lever me up out of bed. Thus far this morning, we’ve not spoken a word to each other!

My extraordinary goal for the year is…
To be financially savvy again. Planning for early retirement by getting back on track with understanding my savings, investments and pensions.

What result will I produce this month?
Am done spending money now on anything except birthday and Christmas gifts.

My tasks for the day is…
Service ringing for Armistice Day. Ironing. Maybe some admin, maybe some SOSI. A JWW. Food prep for the week ahead.

What thoughts are holding me back?
Today should be fairly relaxed by our standards. Not too much rushing around to do. All depends on how long C is going to be in a grumpy mood.

What thought will I practice instead?
Let him be. It he wants to be a grump that’s on him. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, share it, or whatever, why should I let that spoil my day.

What can I remove, elevate, upgrade or add to my style to embody my future self?
Jeans, lilacish long sleeved tshirt. Gibralter bracelet, amethyst cube stud earrings, multistone hoop necklace. Practical for ringing and chores.

What can I remove, elevate, upgrade or add to align with my future self’s environment?
I’ll get to walk into town on my own later, so may actually get to listen to a new album I saved on my MP3 player.

What am I excited to practice and improve?
Self-control. Accomplishment.

My progress and my blessings
I’m learning to switch off more when C’s in a grump especially when its for no apparent reason. I used to stress thinking I’d done something wrong, or upset him somehow, but now, I’ll just let him stew. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, there’s little I can do to help, so I’ll not let it bother me so much. At least we’ll have moments throughout the day where we don’t need to be near each other, or in the same room. I can keep this up as long as he wants!

What do I declare myself to be today?
Singular.

What questions can I ask of myself today?
How will I ensure his grumpy mood doesn’t rub off on me? How can I make sure I have things to keep me occupied and invested? How will I make sure his standoffishness doesn’t affect me?

What words of encouragement, insight, wisdom or humour does my future self have for me today?
I have things I can be doing in a different space to him. If he wants to be grumpy for no obvious reason, and doesn’t want to talk, I can leave him to it. I don’t have to let him bring me down.