Wound up

I’m currently feeling
Wound-up.

My thoughts creating this feeling:
Had one of those dreams in the early morning involving C’s ex wife. We were on a ringing outing. C and I were sitting on some steps watching some ringing when she turned up. My head was resting on his shoulder and his head against mine, but as soon as she arrived he nudged my head off his shoulder and shuffled a little way away from me. She sat on the step below us at his left foot. E, their eldest daughter arrived and was standing behind me. She got up, lent right over me, using C’s shoulder to balance, to kiss E hello. As she retreated, her hand stayed on C’s shoulder and she kissed him on the top of his head and asked how he was. He replied by shrugging his shoulders, then looked up at her and she went in for a full kiss on the lips. He did nothing. I quietly stood up, walked over to my car (for some reason we had my car not his), I emptied my stuff out of the suitcase, left the suitcase on the ground and drove off. That’s when I woke up. My heart was pounding and I felt really angry and upset. I laid awake for ages trying to calm my breathing, listening to C’s breathing beside me. I just about got back off to sleep when the alarm went off and I’ve got up feeling sad, angry and confused. If I say anything to C about it, he just tells me I’m being paranoid.

My extraordinary goal for the year is…
To be financially savvy again. Planning for early retirement by getting back on track with understanding my savings, investments and pensions.

What result will I produce this month?
Only presents for birthdays and Christmas from here to the end of the year.

My tasks for the day is…
Really can’t remember what’s in the work diary for today. Early learners practice before main practice tonight, so no time for a workout.

What thoughts are holding me back? 
However much I tell myself it was only a dream, I can’t shake the upset and anger. If I say anything to him about it he just laughs and calls me paranoid.

What thought will I practice instead?
Will try to calm my thoughts and feelings. Will focus on the here and now.

What can I remove, elevate, upgrade or add to my style to embody my future self?
Burgundy trousers and camel polo neck jumper. Snape Maltings wood and copper bracelet and copper earrings, with long chain gold necklace. Mixing and matching the wardrobe.

What can I remove, elevate, upgrade or add to align with my future self’s environment?
Focus on the here and now and not let a dream upset the rest of my day.

What am I excited to practice and improve?
Back to teaching the learners this evening, getting them ready for their assessed lesson.

My progress and my blessings
Almost got everything ready for Christmas. Still no clues or ideas what to get C and he’s not being helpful.

What do I declare myself to be today?
Restrained.

What questions can I ask of myself today?
How can I get over this feeling of upset and anger all about a dream? How can I let it go?

What words of encouragement, insight, wisdom or humour does my future self have for me today?
I’ll get over it eventually and he’ll be none the wiser. As usual.