Reckless

I’m currently feeling
Reckless.

My thoughts creating this feeling:
Woke up in the night to C doing a spot of DIY laying next to me. This isn’t the first time that’s happened. Its hurtful that he doesn’t want sex with me and do that instead whilst I’m right next to him. He could at least do it when I’m not around. Again, he didn’t quite finish as I turned over so he stopped, then decided he needed the toilet. I almost said something. Next time I might.

My extraordinary goal for the year is…
To be financially savvy again. Planning for early retirement by getting back on track with understanding my savings, investments and pensions.

What result will I produce this month?
Login to my M&G pension account to see what that status is. Also request an NHS Pension forecast.

My tasks for the day is…
A few meetings, some I can decide whether to attend or not. First JWW of the new cycle. Looking forward to that. Book a blood test for my annual blood pressure review. No learners practice this evening, so can relax after dinner.

What thoughts are holding me back? 
I get the need for release. Goodness knows I’ve done plenty of my own DIY in the past, but not whilst laying next to the one person I could have real sex with, and having denied them sex in the first instance.

What thought will I practice instead?
Try to entreat him to have sex with me more then he won’t feel quite the same need. If not, next time say something at the time.

What can I remove, elevate, upgrade or add to my style to embody my future self?
Bright green, high waisted trousers. Cream cut out jumper. Maybe having the girls a bit on display will have some effect on C! Emerald stud earrings and matching necklace and Gibraltar bracelet. Going to be very cold today, so layering up but still feminine.

What can I remove, elevate, upgrade or add to align with my future self’s environment?
Fruit smoothie, healthy breakfast and lunch, exercise this evening. Continuing the progress.

What am I excited to practice and improve?
Health, wealth and happiness.

My progress and my blessings
Have cancelled my Zoe membership which was due to renew in early February. That’ll save me a few hundred pounds.

What do I declare myself to be today?
Confused.

What questions can I ask of myself today?
How can I not be upset or angry with how I’m treated and not shown any physical love by C?

What words of encouragement, insight, wisdom or humour does my future self have for me today?
Just be brave next time it happens. A husband and wife should be able to talk freely. If he’s emotionally blocked that’s up to him.