Rejected

I’m currently feeling
Rejected.

My thoughts creating this feeling:
Got no signs of affection from C at all, all day yesterday. No morning kiss, no kiss when we went to bed, no passing hug or pat on the backside. No hand on the thigh at the dinner table. All things that usually go on. And certainly no sex. Last night we had wine and he decided we needed 2 bottles between us.That meant when we got back to our room, he fell asleep in a drunken stupor. If sex had have been initiated, it probably wouldn’t have been successful anyway. So I spent the day and the evening after dinner talking to others instead. I actually got up from the table and went down the other end to talk to someone else and left him behind. And I didn’t care.

My extraordinary goal for the year is…
To be financially savvy again. Planning for early retirement by getting back on track with understanding my savings, investments and pensions.

What result will I produce this month?
Login to my M&G pension account to see what that status is. Also request an NHS Pension forecast.

My tasks for the day is…
Get through this last day of ringing and belig around his ex, then head home. I have food prep to do for the week ahead and it will be quite late by the time we get back.

What thoughts are holding me back? 
I’m very tired. I didn’t sleep well at all last night. Kept waking up either too lot, too cold, listening to hear if he was doing some DIY which I wouldn’t have been surprised at.

What thought will I practice instead?
Get through the day, get home. Be back in familiar surroundings and back to normal routine. If he doesn’t want to touch me I’ll stay away.

What can I remove, elevate, upgrade or add to my style to embody my future self?
Black jeans, cream and biege nordic style jumper. Gibraltar bracelet, One & Eight Tbar necklace and earring set. Warm, comfortable. Practical.

What can I remove, elevate, upgrade or add to align with my future self’s environment?
More towers to ring at. Another pub lunch. More towers this afternoon, then home. Can’t wait to be home now.

What am I excited to practice and improve?
Not giving a dawn. If C wants to be cold and distant, so shall I.

My progress and my blessings
I was quite impressed at how I’ve conducted myself the last few days. I’ve been polite, even spoken with Fishface and been the height of civility. I’ve not let her outwardly get to me although have been watching very closely.

What do I declare myself to be today?
Alone.

What questions can I ask of myself today?
If this is how it’s going to be, will I stay the course?

What words of encouragement, insight, wisdom or humour does my future self have for me today?
I just want to have some sort of relationship with my husband. I know these things are never perfect but I’d like to be more than just a housemate.