Pissed off

My current feeling:
Pissed Off!

My current thoughts are:
Taken a week off work. C decided we wouldn’t be going away after the ringing tour this year. There was no conversation. He said we could have days out instead. Yesterday, I spent the morning ironing and the afternoon reading. I did the first workout of my new cycle. Our friends, who we’d been driving around the ringing tour tested positive for Covid on Sunday evening. We did tests Monday morning. Mine was negative but C had a faint line. So day one, not been anywhere. He even cancelled ringing. I had not stepped outside the house all day. He doesn’t seem like he wants to do anything today either. Our trip to Buckingham Palace tomorrow may also be in jepandy if he tests positive again today. That will only leave Thursday, as we now have a load of meetings booked in on Friday between us. What a complete waste of a week’s holiday, not going anywhere or doing anything. I’m trying to manage my mind about it all, but at the moment I feel totally pissed off and fed up. Why can’t I be confident enough to do my own thing anyway? If he doesn’t want to, or can’t do something, why shouldn’t I do it myself anyway? Its not like we’re a couple in any other sense either.

My physical state is:
Fidgety.

My physical state is a result of:
I got the fidgets late last night because I had energy that needed using up. I kept going in and out to the bathroom, pretending I needed a wee, just for somthing to do.

I will make today extraordinary by:
1) Making myself fresh, fantastic food again.
2) Workout #2 of new cycle.
3) Finding something to do outside of the house. I’m not spending another day locked up.

My desired emotion for today is:
Self care.

I am a woman who:
Wants to do things and go places.

Today I will let go of:
giving a crap.

Today I choose to add:
Self preservation.

My wins, accomplishments, gratitudes for today:
I really enjoyed yesterday’s food and workout. I didn’t manage all the exercises for the full 40 seconds each, but it was good to move my body, and the sweat was dripping off my chin.

The thoughts that support my celebrations:
It was great to have the time to do a workout on a Monday, even if we had have gone ringing, I’d have had time.

I want to improve the following for tomorrow:
Workout #2 to do today. Assuming we’re not going out for the day I’ll have plenty of time. I may at least pop into town, on my own.

Words of advice, wisdom, encouragement, humour from my future self:
Why do I find it so hard to say what I really think and feel? Maybe because in the past I’ve been shutdown, talked over or ignored. Unless it’s ringing, we don’t really talk about much else. We don’t make joint decisions over things. I really don’t know what relationship this is supposed to be.