Conflicted

My current feeling:
Conflicted.

My current thoughts are:
So, being made redundant has moved a step closer to reality. My boss told me yesterday that she’s been told to do a consultation to reduce staff numbers. There are 3 of us in her direct team, so 1 of us has to go. Given the other 2 roles will need to be operational ones, and I don’t want to be an operational lead again, and there are 2 incumbent people already doing it, my role is the one to go. So then we talked about the need for a consultation given we all know what the outcome would be. It would seem a massive waste of everyone’s time and energy, as well as adding unnecessary stress to everyone. If we had to go though the consultation, the farse of applying for a role I don’t want, then sitting through an interview I’ll not pass, then pretending to go though redeployment options, all to reach the same conclusion, it seems a cruel end to have dragged it out for another few months. I’m hoping my boss can get people to realise what a waste of time and effort it is. Whilst it’s kind of sad my career will end that way, I was planning on retiring at 55 anyway, getting paid 2 years salary for 18 months of time left, means I’ll be quids in.

My physical state is:
Robust.

My physical state is a result of:
Although I didn’t feel up to doing my cycle workout of 500 rep challenge, I did do 2 energiser workouts, the cardio sports and cardio combat ones. They were enough to get me sweaty and activated.

I will make today extraordinary by:
1) Ringing for a wedding in Maldon.
2) Blasting through some CCCBR AGM admin.
3) Setting aside time to read.

My desired emotion for today is:
Productive.

I am a woman who:
Has things to do.

Today I will let go of:
Guilt.

Today I choose to add:
Function.

My wins, accomplishments, gratitudes for today:
I’m actually ok about the redundancy thing.

The thoughts that support my celebrations:
It’ll cost the Trust 2 years of my salary which will be plenty to cover me for the 18 months I potentially had left anyway. The first £30,000 will be tax free too! It does mean finding things to occupy my free time sooner rather than later, but I already have some ideas. Like studying for something. Not sure what but something I’ve always had an interest in rather than work related. Maybe History or cooking or a new skill like flower arranging. Something educational or practical. Or both!

I want to improve the following for tomorrow:
Clear admin tasks today. Lots of little ones that don’t take time individually, but require getting on with this weekend.

Words of advice, wisdom, encouragement, humour from my future self:
New outlook incoming. The possibilities of what I could do with my free time.