Lost

My current feeling:
Lost.

My current thoughts are:
I don’t really know what my purpose is, especially at work. Once again I find myself with nothing to do and filling my nine and a half hours with doom scrolling TED talks, or anything other than adding value to the organisation. I know I’ve said I’m happy with the idea of being made redundant if it comes to it, right now I’d welcome it quickly. Its like because I’m not operational I don’t exist, and having to ask my boss “please miss, can I have some more” Its ridiculous and demotivating. I have my one to one with her today so I’ll mention it. Again!

My physical state is:
Strong.

My physical state is a result of:
I did a strength workout last night that absolutely punished my arms and legs. I did full, off the floor renegade rows and push ups. I did all reps, one for one with Joe, and all rounds with my 5kg dumbells. Looking forward to tonights kettlebell session.

I will make today extraordinary by:
1) Finding things to fill my day.
2) Lunchtime walk and podcast.
3) Blast a workout.

My desired emotion for today is:
Occupied.

I am a woman who:
wants to be useful.

Today I will let go of:
Hoping there’s an answer anytime soon.

Today I choose to add:
Determination.

My wins, accomplishments, gratitudes for today:
In one respect its nice not having any pressure to deliver or to maintain a workforce. I get to be completely autonomous.

The thoughts that support my celebrations:
If there is nothing for me to do, there is more chance of them making me redundant. I get to spend my day coming and going as I please and can spend my time how I please and noone seems to care.

I want to improve the following for tomorrow:
Plans for the future.

Words of advice, wisdom, encouragement, humour from my future self:
Got to get some admin done this weekend for the CCCBR AGM. Then I think it’s all done until the day.