Entertained

My 30 Day Goal is:
Lose at least 8lbs.

Current Thought:
Yesterday was quite the social experiment. We had a good drive up to Nottingham and arrived at E&M’s a little after 12.30pm just as they’d arrived back at home from the children’s party. Grandma was already there but made herself scarce for a bit whilst we talked with big E and played with little E. Then V and Mark arrived. During the course of the afternoon, whilst C was helping M put the BBQ together, I had several conversations with C’s ex and Mark about all sorts of things from family to ringing. Our help wasn’t required for any food prep so we stayed out of the was in the garden.  M’s dad arrived and we spoke with him a lot, although he was pretty miserable most of the time. As people drifted away, C’s ex came and sat next to him, and Mark sat the other side. C and I weren’t sitting next to each other. I don’t know if it was for show, or insecurity ,or because she’d already drunk a lot of wine, but she was making a show of holding Mark’s hand and leaning towards him. I’ve never seen them show any signs of physical connection in 30 years. We’re staying in the same hotel as them and all ended up walking back together. Big E and V came with us and came for a couple of drinks with me and C, fortunately the other two went straight to their room. I was very pleased at how I had behaved and interacted with everyone, and even had a laugh and joke with those who usually cause me to feel insecure. I got most annoyed when we got to or room and found we had twin beds. I’d had no physical touch, or connection with C all day, and now we weren’t ever going to snuggle at night either. He did push the beds closer, but even so.

Current Emotion
Entertained.

Todays Standard:
I am a woman who:
will get through today with as much entertainment value as yesterday. V has booked lunch for us all including C’s ex and Mark so we have to put up with them for most of today as well.

Todays Sweet Spot:
I think:
I deserve a bloody medal after this weekend, but will settle for getting though it with dignity and grace.

I feel:
I’ve turned a corner of not caring so much. Whether its about lack of affection from C, or having to spend time in his ex’s company.

I do:
1) (body) some walking and ringing today.
2) (mind) keep managing my thoughts.
3) (soul) will be home later and back to normality.

Future Self Pep Talk:
Just keep swimming. Let the people, people.

Celebrations/Gratitudes:
Got through day one of playing happy families.